Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
