And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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