Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
