see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
