I cockslap morals
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
