Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I should be sponsored by Trojan
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
