We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
