Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
