So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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