I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
