how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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