In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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