You really coming over, don't trick.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
