I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
