Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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