I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
