that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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