hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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