I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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