Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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