So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
