what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
