Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
