Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
