Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
