I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
