Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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