Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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