just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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