So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
