I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
