After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
