he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
