in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Send help, water and tortillas.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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