hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
