You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
