I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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