i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
