it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
