i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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