she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
