My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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