We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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