No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
