I think I died a long time ago.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
