First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She bit a glass in half.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
