i jhust puked up my retainher.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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