Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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