im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
