she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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