I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
