Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
