the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
