I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
